By helping kids learn from mistakes and develop their ability to keep trying, you are building their lifetime resilience tank. When disappointment or a setback happens, it can trigger big emotions, but these moments are actually our best opportunities to grow a brave brain.
Use these five practical, parent-tested strategies to support your child so they can confidently bounce back and keep moving forward.
1. Shift the Negativity Bias (Help Them See the Good)
Our brains are naturally wired to focus on what went wrong. When a mistake happens, children often catastrophise, thinking it’s the end of the world.
- The Action Step: Challenge their thoughts by asking perspective-building questions.
- What to say: “On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is breaking a bone), how big is this problem? What is one thing that went right before this part happened?”
2. Praise the Process, Not the Person
When we tell a child “You’re so smart,” they can become terrified of making a mistake because they think it means they are no longer smart. To build a growth mindset, focus entirely on their effort, strategies, and choices.
- The Action Step: Call out the specific behaviour or quality that led to the progress.
- What to say: “I’m incredibly proud of how many questions you asked and the practice you put in to get that result,” or “You really paused and thought about how you were going to tackle that problem.”
- What to ask: “What did you do differently this time that helped you get that mark?”
3. Remind Them of Their Past Success
When children are stuck, they forget they’ve ever successfully learnt anything hard before. Reminding them of past triumphs proves to them that they are capable of overcoming challenges.
- The Action Step: Connect their current struggle to an old success they already conquered (like riding a bike, learning times tables, or tying shoes). Remind them that “Practice makes progress.”
- What to say: “Remember when you couldn’t stay on your bike without help? What did you do then? You kept trying, and your brain figured it out. This is exactly the same.”
4. Share Your Own Mistakes
Children often see adults as perfect, which sets an impossibly high standard. When they realise that the adults they look up to also make mistakes and have to learn, it removes the shame of failure.
- The Action Step: Narrate your daily minor blunders and learning moments out loud in front of them.
- What to say: “I tried a new recipe today and totally burnt the base because I didn’t check the timer. Oh well, it’s a mistake, but now I know I need to set a louder alarm next time! What should we have instead?”
5. Drop the Labels and Focus on the Need
Labels like “she’s a perfectionist” or “he gives up easily” can become self-fulfilling prophecies. It is much easier to support a child in developing a new behaviour than it is to change a rigid label.
- The Action Step: Replace the label with a description of the skill they are currently practising or learning.
- What to say instead of a label:
- Instead of “She’s a perfectionist,” try: “She is learning to accept that she is a beginner at this.”
- Instead of “He’s just dramatic,” try: “He needs to learn some helpful self-talk to navigate big disappointments.”
Imagine your child being able to put mistakes into perspective and keep trying when things go wrong. Mistakes are how we learn but making mistakes can be tough and come with big emotions.
Our school holiday art and play workshops all come with a dose of resilience. Kids aged 6-12 are taught tips and tricks to build their resilience while engaging in fun art and STEM projects. No boring lectures, their art and play experience provides modelling for real life through hands on thinking – thinkering! All workshops come with tips to unleash their strengths to tackle problems and mistakes or bounce forward.
