As a resilience educator, I frequently meet children who are hesitant to start, trapped by the heavy pressure to make everything look “perfect”. Supporting a child scared to try new things or terrified of making a mistake is a challenge many parents face at home, too.
I remember a young girl in one of my recent workshops who eagerly sat down to begin, but within minutes, she was in tears. Overwhelmed by the blank page in front of her, she cried, “I can’t do art.”
Instead of trying to immediately brush her tears away or fix the drawing, I focused on her emotions first. I knelt and gently told her that it was completely okay to feel a bit scared when starting something new. Once she calmed down, I helped her see the project with some healthy perspective. I reminded her: this is your art, and you have total freedom to do whatever you want with it. No one is going to mark it, grade it, or judge it. Art is just like any other skill in life—the more we give it a go and practice, the more we learn how to express exactly what we want.
When children feel anxious or overwhelmed, they rarely have the vocabulary to say, “I am experiencing a fear of failure right now.” Instead, it shows up in their behaviour, avoidance, or specific phrases that leave us feeling stuck on how to respond.
To help you decode what is going on under the hood at home, here are four practical, actionable ways to support your child when they are hesitant, frustrated, or refusing to start.
1. Look Out for the Hidden Signs of Struggle (And Reflect Their Emotions)
Often, children use avoidance tactics when they are overwhelmed by the pressure to get something “right.”
- If they keep saying “I don’t know”: They might be feeling deeply unsure or anxious about how to even begin.
- If they constantly ask “Can you help me?”: They might be terrified of making a mistake or getting it wrong on their own.
The Action Step: Help them identify the emotion that is holding them back by gently reflecting it back to them without judgement. This makes them feel heard and lowers their defense mechanisms.
💬 What to say: “You seem a bit unsure about where to start. Is that how you feel? What is one tiny thing we could try first together?”
2. Normalise “Feeling the Feels”
Big emotions—like frustration, nervousness, and self-doubt—are a completely normal part of trying hard things. Children need to know that these feelings aren’t a sign that they should stop, but a sign that they are learning.
The Action Step: Normalise these feelings by role-modelling your own big emotions. When they see that you feel nervous but push through anyway, they learn to do the same.
💬 What to say: “I’m feeling really nervous about this big presentation at work today, and my stomach feels a bit fluttery. But I know that feeling nervous just means I care, so I’m going to take a deep breath and give it a go.”
3. Reframe “This Looks Terrible!”
When a child is being incredibly hard on themselves, they are trapped in a harsh inner critique. They focus entirely on a “perfect” end result rather than the fun of the process.
The Action Step: Give them a gentle reminder to speak to themselves like a friend. This builds their internal self-compassion.
💬 What to say: “If your best friend made this, or was trying this for the very first time, what would you say to them? Would you tell them it looks terrible? Can you try saying those same kind words to yourself?”
4. Reframe “I Keep Getting It Wrong!”
When confidence dips and they feel like giving up, it’s time to change how they view mistakes altogether.
The Action Step: Give them a quick brain-science boost. Explain that mistakes are actually the fuel their brain needs to grow.
💬 What to say: “The coolest thing about your brain is that it actually grows and learns the most precisely when you make a mistake! Every time it goes wrong, your brain is figuring out what to adjust next time. You are literally building brainpower right now.”
Want to help your child practise these skills in real life?
It is one thing to talk about resilience, but the best way for children to learn is by doing!
Our upcoming July School Holiday Workshops are specifically designed to be a safe, fun playground for handling challenges. Through our popular creative camps, kids aged 6–12 engage in hands-on art and STEM projects—what we call “thinkering.”
There are no boring lectures or rigid, “copycat” step-by-step templates. Instead, we decide on a creative theme, and then give the children complete autonomy over how they paint, build, and bring their own ideas to life. We normalise mistakes, celebrate creative problem-solving, and teach kids helpful self-talk so they can bounce forward with a can-do attitude.
Our Mistake Maker workshops are run as standalone 3-hour sessions meaning you can book just one, or mix and match to complete the full series. To find out about future holiday workshops join the Mistake Maker Waitlist.
