“I’m throwing this in the bin.”
“I need to start again!”
Sound familiar?
When a child’s high expectations meet a mistake, the result is often a surge of BIG emotions. These perfectionistic tendencies can cause a child to get “stuck,” overcome by what we call the Emotion Wizzy Dizzy.
It feels like a scary rollercoaster or a spinning ride. Those big feelings—anger, disappointment, or worry—make us feel “dizzy” in our bodies and can stop learning in its tracks.
Here are five ways to help your child accept the “trials and tribulations” of the learning journey and find their way back to calm.
1. Share the power of the breath
Breathing is the fastest way to get off the Emotion Wizzy Dizzy. When we experience big emotions, our bodies release stress hormones. Taking long, slow breaths acts like a reset button, releasing calming neurons that tell the brain it is safe to relax.
2. Teach them how to recognise and express emotions
Children are still developing the ability to regulate their emotions. Just as an adult might be in a “foul mood” when stuck in traffic, a child’s behavior is a direct result of their emotional state.
- The Goal: Help them understand that while the feeling is okay, unhelpful actions (like ripping up paper) stop them from moving forward.
3. Reflect and Validate (The “Name it to Tame it” Method)
It can be hard for some children to tell you how they are feeling. Sometimes they don’t have the words. To teach your child to identify their feelings you can,
Step 1: Reflect the emotion your child is feeling Instead of “How are you feeling?” try “You seem to be…”
Step 2: Explain the feeling – e.g. you could say “It can be sad, when…” This signals that it is okay to feel emotions. You could share a time that you have felt this emotion. If your child has done something unhelpful like saying something mean or hitting someone, it is important to make sure they understand that the feeling is okay but unhelpful actions are never okay. You may choose to do this once they have calmed down and can listen.
Step 3: Support and hold space to feel the emotion. Everyone needs time to feel so validate your child’s emotion by being with them. This helps them know they are safe to experience this emotion. You could hug them and rub between shoulder blades to release a DOSE of calming neurons.
4. Redefine What Learning Looks Like
Many children believe that learning is a straight line—that every time they practice, they should get better and better. In reality, learning is squiggly. It involves mistakes, loops, and “one step forward, two steps back.” Teaching kids that the squiggle is normal reduces the pressure to be perfect.
5. Reframe “Stuck” Language into “Growth” Language
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Instead of… |
Try… |
|
“This is terrible!” |
“If I keep practicing, I will get better.” |
|
“I’m throwing this in the bin.” |
“This is just my first practice.” |
|
“I need to start again.” |
“How can I make this part better?” |
Need a hand with the “Big Feelings”?
At Strength Heroes, we use the BAT (Breathe, Admit, Think) and the Emotion Wizzy Dizzy to give kids the exact skills they need to regulate and keep trying. Click here to learn more
Find our Calm Resources and Kits in the Shop here
To learn more about our workshops click here
